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Complaints are hidden desires. Instead of complaining, stop and ask yourself “What do I really want?” For example, complaining that your spouse came home later than agreed and never called can be shifted to: “When you are running late, I want you to call me so I can adjust my expectations/planning for your arrival time.” Or if you complain that your spouse “never takes the trash out” say, “I want you to take the trash out as a part of sharing housework with me.” Then, we recommend making agreements based on these desires vs having expectations around them. When you co-create agreements based on spoken desires, there is no room for guessing or complaining! Try it! Have you ever turned a complaint into a request? Share below!
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